wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
