Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
