the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
