It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
