i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
