the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
