my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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