I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
