Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
