I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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