Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
