Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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