drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
