i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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