So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
