i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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