he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
