I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
