I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
