i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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