shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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