he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
