i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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