I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
