My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
