please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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