woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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