Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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