He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
