I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
