DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
