and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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