Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
