Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
