You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
