I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
