ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
