You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
