Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
