I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
