when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
