you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
