It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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