just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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