My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
