The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
