So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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