We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
