My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
