checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
