thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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