its not stalking. its research.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
