It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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