No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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